i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
