my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
COCAINE IS GR8
Randomize
