guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
