If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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