I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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