Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
They have beer where we have blood.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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