i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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