First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
