we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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