my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
