so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
