in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i drank out of a bidet.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
