my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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