I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
