Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
