I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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