I faked an abortion last night.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
pray to the hookup gods
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
