He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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