dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
