i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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