did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Randomize
