Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
