A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
