so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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