omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
