he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
