please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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