First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
