the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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