So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
