She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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