Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
