omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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