She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
