we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
