Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
