i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
