I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
