my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
