Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
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