The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
