i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
