Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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