margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
If its not for food we ain't going out.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
