oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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