real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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