you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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