I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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