I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
