I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
