fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
