I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
