Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
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