I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
