u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
