Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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