My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
