she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
