he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
