He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
50% drunk capacity currently
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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