U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Come on in and take your pants off
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