not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
