We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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