I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
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