Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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