she looked like the before picture.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
