U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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