I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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