I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I got inside last night via doggy door
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
