It's Friday. Sex?
if only i could text you this smell
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
