I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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