my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
