Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
